Seek Joy, Seek Peace - A Moratorium on Complaint

Were there not enough graves in Egypt that you had to bring us to die in this wilderness?! (Exodus 14:11)

Gevalt! Vey ist mir! Oy vey! (Yiddish kvetch words)

In seminary I wrote an article for the Onion-esque segment of the student paper entitled The One True Path, in which I parodied what I saw as a culture of complaint, about too much reading, too high expectations on our time, too many required classes, and so much more:

The [One True] Path:

• The best way to get what you want is to complain loudly and heartily.  Even if it won’t get you what you want, complaint is a valuable social skill.
• No matter how easy or difficult the task in front of you, be sure to complain as much as possible.
• No matter how good life is, complaining can only make it better.
• There is no reason too small or large to complain about… all problems are equal in the eyes of God if you only complain.  

Followers of The Path [understand God's apparently favorable response to the Israelites' complaints] to mean that God not only listens to the complaints ... but responds with sweet rewards. [Talmidei Haverim, 2003]

Take all of the biblical quotes on complaining - I won't list them here, but consider that it is not just the people, but also Moses, the highest prophet of Torah, and other leaders who whine to God). Add the Yiddish language penchant for complaint (see for example the book Born to Kvetch, a description of which tells us that Jews "even learned how to smile through their and express satisfaction in the form of complaint."

Is the Jewish culture really a culture of complaint?  Does the Jewish religion really reward complaint? (Is complaint, as the same description of Born to Kvetch implies, the reason for Jewish survival?)

A couple of weeks ago a meme suggesting "24 hours without complaining" reached my Facebook stream, reminding me of that article and the complaining I wanted to see myself as being somehow above. But I have have been catching myself complaining - a lot - recently. So I tried it - and I liked it.

This week I again find myself kvetching - at my two year old's newly discovered temper tantrum skills, about humidity, about sticky things on my chair, about people and things going too slowly, about my own behavior and things I perceive as failures, and.... I am not enjoying myself.

Complaining makes me feel so closed - physically - like I am shuttering myself, focused on myself - even when commiserating with someone else about outside concerns. Every time I complain I feel worse - physically and spiritually.  When I complain, clouds darken my day.

I'm returning to that moratorium. No complaints. It's time to be creative and constructive - or quiet. It is possible to note something I don't like without complaining - hard but possible.

So what combats complaining?  If complaining is about being closed, if it is darkness, then things that bring openness and light are the countermeasures.  Awe, love, mindfulness - being aware of how amazing our world is, and what I can bring to it.

And here's where I think Judaism has some pretty great counterpunches to its own internal culture of complaint:

• a custom of 100 blessings a day - literally counting our blessings and being aware of the amazing world around us;
• a tradition of song and dance - most traditional blessings have at least one tune associated with them; some Psalms have literally hundreds of tunes; even Torah and other traditional texts are traditionally read musically;
• tzedakah and gemilut chasadim and tikkun olam - traditions of giving, money and action, teaching and repairing, seeking to make the world a better place
• a desire for peace.  Yes, Israel is at war right now.  But our traditional greeting, Shalom Aleichem, means "peace to you" (American Jewish kids learning basic Hebrew learn early that shalom means "hello," "goodbye," and "peace" - but it really just means peace).  And many traditional daily and Shabbat request-prayers focus on peace. 

And so I call a moratorium on complaint (not to preclude constructive criticism or pointing out things I don't like in the act of making the world a better place) - and say instead that it's time to sing and dance and pray, to be in awe - even of the things I might kvetch about:

• to wonder at my son's independence, how he is learning new things, how long he can carry on a tantrum, and how he can change the tantrum mid-phrase so it is clear that it's more about getting something, anything, he wants than about the specific thing;
• to take advantage of slower moments to pause myself and take a breath;
• Bakesh shalom verodfehu - to desire peace and pursue it (Psalms 34:15);
• to sing and dance and be physically open;
• to connect with other people, learning and being in awe of their lives;
• to create - with words, with foods, with ideas, with play-time, with prayer;
• to seek joy and wonder in everything - to offer blessings for every day life - waking, eating, reading, connecting.

Counting the Omer - Leaving Mitzrayim, a Starting Point

בכל דור ודור חייב אדם לראות את עצמו כאילו הוא יצא ממצרים
In every generation, every person is obligated to see him/herself as if s/he came out of mitzrayim.
(Passover Haggadah)

From whence do we come, and whither do we go?

Mitzrayim evokes both the literal narrowness of Egypt's fertile strip on either side of the Nile, and the emotional/spiritual narrowness of slavery.  It is the latter that each of us is obligated to search for in our own lives.  But the "coming out" from narrow places is only the beginning, what we read starting on the first night of Passover.  On the second night of Passover, we begin to count the Omer - for seven weeks we will count days and weeks, until we arrive at our next holiday, Shavuot.

The Omer reminds us that leaving mitzrayim is only the beginning.  It is like Abraham's Lech Lecha moment.  "Get up and go...to a land that I will show you" (Genesis).

In the moment we leave the narrowness - whether it is a way of thinking, or a job that binds us, or a relationship that restricts us - we do not land immediately in a place of certainty and strength.

Wandering in Haifa (c. 2005, RSR)

Rather, we begin a journey into the unknown, into openness.  It takes time to shake off old habits. We might, like the Israelites, sometimes question why we ever left, wonder if we really had to leave the security of what we knew (was it really so bad? "were there not enough graves in Egypt?").  Wherever we think we are going, like Abraham and like Moses and the Israelites, we really have no idea.  And that uncertainty can be disorienting and disturbing.he begin the journey - not expect that just because we have begun the journey we must have arrived somewhere special.

The Omer, the counting of days, helps to ground us on the journey. It grounds us with the simple act of counting, but also with Kabbalistic spiritual teachings, and a custom of self-reflection as we count, as we mark the journey. 

ארמי אבד אבי
"My father was a wandering Aramean" (Deuteronomy 26:5; Passover Haggadah)

I love the closeness in English of the words wander and wonder.  The journey is about openness - about being able to wonder at what we encounter, to find awe.

As we begin this wandering period, this counting of the Omer, I invite awe and wonder.  I also invoke compassion in response to the desire to shelter in the known narrowness, and for the desire to know "are we there, yet?!"  May the journey be the "there." May we not become stuck in the places where we sojourn.

Skin Lesions and Life to the Dead

Unlike my other blog posts, this is a more "traditional" D'var Torah, or sermon, on the reading of the week, Parashat Tazria, Leviticus 12:1-13:59. I offer this in part for those who missed my service this past weekend. To all reading, especially if you actually did hear my words: I typically write out what I want to say as a way of helping to congeal the ideas in my head, but it's still a little like jelly, fluid, so this isn't exactly what I said on Saturday. Thanks for the supportive readership.

This week’s Parasha, Tazria, contains sometimes vivid descriptions of bodily functions and malfunctions, skin lesions, and other physical “impurities.”  While it fits well with the rest of the Levitical blood and guts experience, this can easily be the most difficult, even embarrassing, portion for bar or bat mitzvah kids to work with, and quite disturbing even for an adult audience, trying to read it from a spiritual perspective.  

Even the ancient rabbis had difficulty with it.  What were these physical illnesses and what did they have to do with the spiritual work of the priests?  Surely there were plenty of lesions and illnesses that didn’t have to be proven pure or impure by a priest’s eye or through sacred ritual?

Leaving aside the issue of childbirth, where the parashah opens, the rabbis asserted that the skin diseases weren’t just any physical lesions - these were spiritual afflictions, resulting from actions, things a person did (or didn’t do).  Torah teaches that Miriam contracts one of these skin lesion diseases as a direct result of speaking ill of, or doubting, her brother Moses.  And so the most direct link between lesions and actions is said to be lashon hara, speaking ill of another.  

We could simply leave it at that, as the rabbis do - not try to find any explanation for how action might lead to physical ailment.  And indeed, the rabbis more or less do leave it untouched.

But they do offer some clues, in their discussion of this parashah, and in various other biblical texts and rabbinic interpretations.

The lesions at issue here are white.  Rabbi Kalonymus Kalman Epstein, an 18th century Chassidic leader known as the Maor VaShemesh, taught that this is the clue -

“Now, actually, the reason for this is simple. The key locus of life’s vitality is in the blood, ‘for the blood is the life’ (Deut. 12:23); the human soul (nephesh) is in the blood.”

Essentially, we pale when our life goes out of us.  And white skin lesions are evidence of life leaving one or another part of our body, usually, he suggests, because we have embarrassed ourselves or another through our actions or words.  Anger, he suggests, is one of the worst offenders, and Rabbi Jonathan Slater interprets this to mean anger is “a small death.”

First, we need to be careful in a reading like this not to think that because a person has an illness of any kind that they have somehow brought it upon themselves by action.  Even the rabbis suggested that this was something that used to happen.  

Still, the notion of anger as being a portion of death is intriguing.  The Talmud also suggests that “sleep is 1/60th of death,” a little like death.

And this carries us to one of my favorite lines in our prayers - mechayei hameitim.  That God gives life to the dead need not be read as a direct assertion of reincarnation.  It can be easily understood in this way of restoring spiritual life.

In the Reconstructionist and Reform liturgies, mechayei hameitim has been replaced by either mechayei hakol or mechayei kol chai - both essentially meaning that the life we have and know is the life God has given us.

To me, this change in the liturgy is unnecessary.  Indeed, it denies the notion that we can be spiritually, or even physically, revived.  

One of my colleagues, Rabbi Megan Doherty, once argued that mechayei hameitim was the perfect blessing to recite over the first cup of coffee in the morning.  This may be a little tongue in cheek, but I think that the idea isn’t far off base.  Indeed, some hold a tradition of reciting these words as a short blessing when seeing someone they haven’t seen in a full year or more.

And what of the Yiddish “mechaya”?  Something good happens, even something as simple as a warm day after the winter, or a cup of icy cold water on a hot day - that’s a mechaya.  It’s a relief, a little bit of life-reminder.

The Reform siddur has returned mechayei hameitim as an alternative in its new siddur.  The siddur you use here is great about giving the options.  Reading with alternatives in place is an opportunity for us to rethink how we are reading: is it too literal?  Is tzara’at really leprosy, or is it a psychosomatic / or spirituo-somatic symptom, a result of something being not quite right in our inner life force?  Is mechayei hameitim only (or even at all) about reincarnation or resurrection, or is it closer to the Yiddish derivation, a mechaya, a little bit of life returning where we have felt a little weary or lost or some such?

Baruch ata Adonay - mechayei hameitim.  Blessed are You, our God, who provides sustenance and renewal, raising life up where it has drooped, offering solace and support and nourishment - to the individual, and to our whole world.  May we be aware of this renewal as the earth brings forth new greens, as the coming month of Nissan and our season of spring and Passover heralds rebirth and new beginnings, emerging from the deathly constrictions of winter and mitzrayim.

Encountering the Divine

Last night I watched an old episode of 7th Heaven, a 90s tv show focused on the family of Reverend Camden, a suburban minister, in which the middle school leadership is concerned that the custodian is crazy and needs to be forced into retirement.  Why?  Because he hears the voice of God.  God tells him to go speak to Reverend Camden, who becomes his advocate, announcing to the school board, "I speak to God every day, [don't you?]....  Do you not even expect an answer?"

How do we listen for answers or connection from the Divine?  The biblical prophets experienced visions, dreams, even the voice of God directly or through Mal'achim - angels (literally messengers).  Were the prophets crazy?

This week the Torah reading cycle enters the Moses story and his first encounters with the Divine.   Song and lore tells us that "none has yet risen in Israel like Moses," no other prophet has, to jump ahead in the story, seen God face-to-face (Exod. 33:11) and lived to tell about it.

When God recruits Moses for the work of bringing the people to freedom, Moses asks a valuable question, "What shall I tell them is Your name?"  God's cryptic answer, Ehyeh asher ehyeh - I will be that which I will be (some translate present tense, "I'm am what I am").

The openness of the answer is brilliant - each encounter may be different.  Not only is each individual's relationship to the Divine unique, but one individual may experience God in myriads of ways.

Admittedly, when someone says they hear God speaking to them I get nervous.  This is not necessarily a bad response.  I think of such God-voices as those described in Under the Banner of Heaven, contemporary prophecy that leads one to take the life of another.

So how do I describe my own encounters with the Divine?  I have said that I believe in the God of coincidences - that there are times that I should have been one place or done one thing and instead have chosen another, and as a result I am saved some horrific experience.  An example?  When I was sixteen I was supposed to meet a girlfriend after school to bring her something of hers.  Instead, I went home, and that is where my mother, who was supposed to be at work but came home because she thought she had left the oven on, answered the phone call with the news that my friend had shot herself.  I cannot be sure what I might have done had I gone to meet my friend as planned and found her lying there with the still-loaded gun - but through what might seem like chance I had my mother's support.

No, I didn't hear a voice telling me to go home instead of meeting my friend - not in the conventional sense of spoken words anyway.  Call it more gut instinct.  And it's not that the outcome of such moments is joyful, as I sometimes imagine all Divine encounter ought to be.  Sometimes it's downright miserable - involving things like losing a friend to suicide.

But this is the marvelous thing about Ehyeh - God can be the connector in the moment when one needs support from family, friends, colleagues; but God can be other things in other moments, like the indescribable moment when the world simply seems beautiful, right, amazing, awesome, or the flame that doesn't consume but catches our attention, or the invisible but tangible outstretched arm guiding us away from narrow places and into freedom.  And maybe sometimes it is the still, small voice - a voice from within and beyond, that calls us by name and tells us:

"Ehyeh asher ehyeh - I will be that which I will be." (Exodus 3:14)

Ehyeh - I will be
I will be with you
I will be what you need
Don't look
   I am not what you think you need
Don't expect me
   I am already here
I will breathe you
I will carry you
I will dance you
I will sing you
I will hold you
I will nudge you
I will guide you
I will support you
Ehyeh - I am